She felt the familiar pressure as she looked up at the clock as it ticked closer to the team meeting. Grabbing her notepad, she headed down to the conference room; her feet felt like lead. Then the inner dialogue began, and she could begin to hear her anxious thoughts rising as her mind raced. To counteract her inner noise, she quickly paused the inner commotions to make sure she had everything in preparation, but deep down inside she knew there was no way she could have prepared enough.
Flooded with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt, she knew her biggest fear was being called upon to answer a question. And in her line of work, that wasn’t something she could always prepare for. She knew it would likely be the type of complicated question that would push through her ear canal only to force out the other side her lucid thoughts, concrete ideas, and any hopes she had of making a somewhat sensible statement. She knew if she really panicked she would be left with a pile of unwanted pauses and “um’s” to fill the silence that a more logical answer should have filled. But there was nothing she could do. Why did she put so much pressure on herself? Why was she such a perfectionist? How did she end up in an environment that praised intellectual strength over emotional vulnerability? She steadied her breathing and tried to shrug off the heaviness, but with each breath and step, she felt like she was walking to her own private guillotine. She sat stoically through the meeting. Externally, she was calm and cool, but internally, her mind was baking at 500 degrees. The meeting ended without any major issues or questions. She felt saved. And thus this cycle would happen with each and every meeting, over and over again chipping away at her confidence with each and every occurrence… until there were only tiny grains of confidence left.
There’s just something about meetings—especially the serious or important kind—that can bring up a torrent of emotions. Think about your toughest meeting that you’ve been in or the one that took an unexpected turn. I’m sure if you close your eyes now that the details are vividly etched in your mind. Or if it was especially traumatizing, you may have minimal recollection, if any.
High-pressure meetings are only one of the challenges that leaders have to endure. Can you relate to having feelings of struggle as depicted above? Maybe for you it’s not meetings. Maybe it’s communicating with a superior or direct report, struggling to connect with others, navigating a new position, or being a more effective leader.
I can relate to the story above as well, mainly because it was ME. That was a moment from my life many, many, years ago. Looking back at my own experience it’s easy to see and realize, especially when we slow our lives and thinking down, that the pressures of leadership are real and they aren’t always easy to deal with. Many days as a leader can feel like you’re in a battle. The endless list of demands, the amount of things that can go wrong, people issues, unexpected changes—it’s a lot. These external challenges can create internal and external injuries aka–“Pain Points” for leaders. The “Pain-Points” may manifest as insecurity, self-doubt, impostor syndrome, confidence challenges, etc. In the middle of those battles, it’s really difficult to pause and give great attention to your injuries/Pain Points because you are what?—in the middle of the battle and, in many cases, just trying to survive it.
One of the often unspoken rules of survival is to ignore your emotions and do what’s necessary to preserve yourself and keep moving. At other times, shame can make you feel bad for feeling vulnerable and weak in the first place that you dare not dream of sharing your Pain Points with anyone else. In any case, that only proves to be self-destructive. Because injuries that aren’t cleaned, bandaged, and cared for never heal. You just carry the same injury into every situation until things eventually get worse.
And I understand worse! After my issues snowballed into an identity crisis, I knew I had to do the work to get past this hurdle, which I successfully did, and that’s when I discovered I had a gift in helping others! I discovered my purpose (THANK GOD!) as an Executive coach & Leadership Recovery Specialist where I’m committed to helping other leaders navigate and overcome their challenges and subsequent Pain Points of leadership. I care deeply—like Mariana Trench deeply! (smile) Your challenges don’t make you weak; they make you human! I wish there was a band-aid big enough to help with all of the issues you may be facing. But there is not! My hope is that you will find the support you need here to help you in your journey.
The purpose of me inking these words is to set the tone for this blog moving forward. The focus will be providing the tools, strategies, knowledge, and wisdom to help leaders learn, heal, and grow through their various leadership challenges. It’s a safe place where leaders can find support, safety, and validation and need not feel shame or reluctance in owning their experiences and feelings as they heal and grow. I will also have leadership recovery information directed at teams to help them increase their cohesiveness, communication, and synergy as they work toward their goals. If you’ve liked what you read thus far, please keep tuning in. You can sign up to receive weekly blog notifications HERE….
Also, if there is a topic that you’re interested in hearing more about, please leave it in the comments section below.
I look forward to the journey we will take together…..
