It doesn’t matter how nicely it’s said, there’s something about the word NO that can feel jolting. In the most extreme cases, it can feel like a dagger to the heart. Especially when such rejection comes on the tail end of something we desire or want to achieve— such as a dream, goal. The word “no” is the rejection that can deflate your confidence like a balloon leaving you to try and figure out how to recover. Despite how much rejection you face, the word “no” should never hinder you from pursuing your dreams and goals.
Realistically speaking, as an entrepreneurial or professional woman, rejection is “par for the course”. It’s something we know we will encounter at times but still something that can feel so foreign. As women, we know that our gender in a lot of ways can make us more subject to rejection. We know that in many cases we more than likely will have to work harder than others to achieve the equality we deserve if we’re fortunate to gain it. But dealing with rejection isn’t always rational, especially when it hurts you on an emotional level.
Dealing with rejection becomes toughest when you internalize it on an emotional level. It can cause you to see the outcome as a reflection of your own inadequacies. Furthermore, rejection can be tough because it can dredge up deep internal messages that many women struggle with and don’t know how to express. Messages that say…
“you’re not good enough”
“you don’t measure up or have what it takes”
“you don’t have any real talent”
“you don’t have the smarts for this”
Thoughts like these can be very debilitating and often handicap women from thinking clearly and evaluating the situation more rationally. Where do they come from you may ask? These thoughts are often embedded in your subconscious and gets triggered or reinforced during negative circumstances such as rejection. They may be the results of the things others have said to you or you’ve chosen to believe about yourself and accept as truth. That’s why it is so important to practice mindfulness and pay attention to your thoughts.
When you actually take time to listen to your thinking and pay attention to what your “Inner Critic” is saying it can be quite startling. But taking time to hear those thoughts, refute them, and replace them with empowering thoughts is the best way to deactivate your negative thinking.
The rejection you experience can also be extra tough because for many of you your dreams hold an emotional heart connection as well. They evoke deep feelings and desires. I don’t know about you but my dreams are deeply personal and oftentimes transcend what I can adequately express with words. You may feel the same. This is also the reason why rejection can cut deep. The fear of not achieving your dreams can hurt on a cellular level.
It’s important to not “jump the gun” on the experience of rejection and claim defeat. Rejection is all about perspective. I heard someone say no can mean—wait, not yet, or next time. It just depends on how you choose to interpret it. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not about you getting rejected but it’s about how you choose to handle it that makes all of the difference. Rejection should never kill your goals and dreams. Instead, in a lot of ways, it should fuel them. Here are 3 ways to keep a level head when dealing with rejection so that you can pursue your dreams.
Don’t take it personally
I know it’s easier said than done and this may feel a bit cliche. The truth is rejection isn’t always personal. It may be for practical reasons. Before you start beating yourself up consider this. And to be quite honest there should never be a reason you beat yourself up in the first place. Taking it personally can cultivate a negative mindset and stir up negative thoughts that are going to do nothing but hold you back. Take time to look at the practical side. If you apply for an opportunity you may not get picked because of the size limitation not because anything is wrong with you. Try to look at the situation objectively.
Ensure your Personal Brand is strong
You may experience rejection due to some type of confusion or misunderstanding of your personal brand. Your personal brand of course I’m referring to your image and the way others experience you. If your personal brand perception is being misunderstood then definitely take the necessary steps to course correct it. You want to make sure that people have clarity on who you are, that you confidently present yourself, and are an effective communicator. When they think of you you want them to conjure thoughts of a competent person who is of high value. You should be easily able to attract your ideal client. Building a strong personal brand is one of the GREATEST TOOLS to achieving your dreams. Remember you are your Greatest Asset!
Revamp your plan and/or pivot
Like any plan—if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Such trying again could mean something along the lines of revamping your plan. It could mean trying a different strategy. Rejection can lead to a great deal of innovation if you let it. I used this method when I applied for my 2nd TEDx talk after being declined 11 months earlier. I took time to actually revamp my personal brand and the strategy in which I positioned myself as an expert at what I do and the experiences I had as a Mindset & Clarity Coach. The judges liked my insights and strong presentation resulting in me getting selected.
I hope these insights have helped you here are some questions to help you process further….
Reflections:
So what about you—
- What are your top 5 dreams or goals?
- How has experiencing rejection impacted the way you see or pursue your dreams and goals?
- If you’ve gotten discouraged how can you use the above tips to help you get back on track with pursuing your dreams or goals?
