As we round up this month’s focus on “From Failure to Comeback” the big question that looms is how does one even attempt to make a comeback when they’ve been slammed by failure or the perceived threat of it? That is a very loaded question and the funny thing is that we often don’t directly ask the question. If you’ve taken a massive hit and experienced some serious failure, then you may have been more concerned with licking your wounds or trying to do something to stop the bleeding of emotions— such as disappointment, hurt, disgust or even shock. Even suggesting anything related to a comeback seems premature when your emotions are all tied up in knots. We all know it takes EXTRA effort to pull out of a “failure related funk” and push forward to make a comeback. As with anything, this oftentimes is easier said than done.
I’ve personally always been amazed when I’ve witnessed this determination and grit in people who I’ve witnessed take a big “L” (loss). I’m not talking about the mini little failures we all experience every day but the bigger ones—loss of job, denied promotions, inability to connect with the right people, etc.. And since “big” is really relative, only you personally know which failures have hit you the worst and impacted and stunned you the most.
I’ve taken a few “L”’s myself and like many of you have the battle scars to prove it. But I think it’s important to not only highlight someone’s comeback but to pay close attention to the steps it took to get them there. It is those steps, I feel, that are the truest inspirations to us all. Having been there myself personally and witnessed other people do the same I offer the following wisdom on how to go from failure to comeback:
- Own the loss – Denial isn’t a river in Egypt and pretending what happened didn’t happen won’t get you any closer to closure. Own what happened and all of the realities that come with it. If it was your fault, own that but choose to forgive yourself as well.
- Mourn the failure-Funerals are important for a reason and aren’t just customary. They internally allow people to process through their loss in a real tangible way. Ignoring the failure will only keep it bottled up within. Mourning allows you to release. Some great ways to “mourn” your personal failures are to cry them out, speak with a trusted friend, journal them. One unique way is to write yourself a letter about the whole incident, put it in an envelope and tear it up. It will help with the release.
- Decide that defeat is a final destination whereas failure is a rest stop- When you really realize that failures are just brief pauses that allow you to re-group and get necessary feedback that allows you to come up with a better strategy you will start using them wisely. Don’t choose to stay in your failure—move on.
- Refuse to internalize it- Remember failures are what happens to you but they aren’t YOU. Let me repeat—YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! When we’re emotionally processing sometimes our wires get crossed and we start believing negatively about ourselves. You could fail 100X and you would never be a failure unless you think you are.
What about you? Where do you stand? What has been your GREATEST FAILURE? Were you able to make a comeback from it? If not apply these 4 tips and be sure to check back in to let us know how you’re doing. We’re cheering you on Lady!
~Sending BIG HUGS— Victoria
Catch our Very First Episode of 20 Failures A Day–debuting Aug 29th on my website www.victoriabaylor.com
